I am. It’s a complete sentence and a complicated one.
I exist at many intersections of identity. Some of them clash at times.
These clashes make them no less valid.
I am complicated.
I am gentle and intense.
I am fire and water.
I am so many things.
I once hated this reality. I wanted to hide the parts of me I perceived to be undesirable.
With time and experience came a change.
I spend years wanting those around me to celebrate me.
I betrayed myself for the approval of others.
Now I love ME completely.
If someone asks me who my biggest fan is, I won’t look around for anyone else to point out because well….
As a trans man who is called to ministry, I’ve been slacking.
I’ve been afraid.
I’m not afraid anymore.
Now I’m hustling and building. Challenging systems and cistems. I’m grinding.
It’s not about me.
It’s not about the money.
It’s all about the message.
God is love.
God is in all of us.
We should be love.
Silence is amazing. It gives me space to sift through my thoughts. It grounds me.
I find that by intentionally seeking out quiet moments, I am able to lead a more thoughtful life. I am able to not have knee-jerk reactions to life as it comes at me.
Take 5 minutes each day to sit in silence. Close your eyes. Breathe slowly and deeply. It may change your life.
I love you.
For this coming week, I’m going to reassess my worth. Presently, even while working a job that’s paying me the most money I’ve made in my adult life I’m still making far less annually than I should for a person with my education and experience. This is something I’ve accepted for far too long.
I owe it to myself to not accept less than what I should be making. I owe it to myself to stop letting “bonus potential” convince me to take jobs making far less than I should be. I should be able to afford to live in a great neighborhood. I should be able to pay all of my household bills on my income alone. Moving forward, I’m holding myself to that standard. I’ll be dedicating the next 5 calendar days to solidifying what that should look like and my plan for getting there.
I’ve had enough. I deserve better from myself. My wife deserves better from me. I will realize my potential.
One of my challenges to myself has been to eat healthier. Working from home has made this a bit more challenging because of the temptation to snack while working. I’m a big guy and I love snacks….. Just being honest.
Yesterday I decided to make some tuna salad to have lunch for the next few days. The recipe was as follows:
3 4oz cans tuna in water (drained) , 6 hard boiled eggs chopped, 2 tsp. olive oil, 3 tablespoons mayo, 2 tablespoons pickled yellow peppers, dash of pink Himalayan salt, a dash of black pepper, 1 10.5 oz can of bamboo shoot strips.
I absolutely love how it turned out because the bamboo added a nice crunch while taking on the flavor of the rest of the dish. I’ll be able to eat off of this at least until lunch tomorrow which is exciting. There are not a lot of calories in this so I’m not worried about gaining weight and the bamboo made my food a lot more filling so I’m not hungry after a meal.
This new relationship with bamboo is off to a good start. I’ll let y’all know what’s next.
I love you.
Healing can be painful. This weekend I’ve taken time to revisit old wounds with the intent of healing them.
There are things I wish I could undo. There are events I wish never happened. There are things that were beat into me that I now have to unlearn.
One day at a time family. One day at a time.
I love you.
Today I quit my job to do something important. It was terrifying. It was exhilarating. It was necessary. I still have one shift to go but I did it. I seized an unexpected opportunity and decided to say yes to an adventure.
I’m happy to be leaving the world of B2B sales behind. I won’t miss this job. I have to be honest with myself about that one. I have given it a shot and am okay with admitting that it’s just not a good fit for me. There’s no shame in that.
As a recovering codependent, I’m happy that I chose to do this. It’s the first time since I started this journey of recovery that I’m making a major shift. I aim for it to not be my last.
I’m grateful to the source of all for this opportunity to grow. My faith increases with each passing day. I’m not a mistake. My trans experience is a gift from on high. I choose alignment with purpose. I choose to bet on the god in me.
I love you.
Today’s thought is simple. STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR NOT LIVING THE LIFE YOU DESIRE.
It’s a hard truth but sometimes we come up with an abundance of excuses for remaining in a rut. Having excuses gets us off the hook for any responsibility we have for changing our lives. We sell ourselves short when we do this. Let’s stop it TODAY.
I love you.
Back in 2016, I became a certified life coach under my dead-name. That certification has since expired so I’ve decided to spend the money necessary to get re-certified. Like getting baptized after coming out, this is a necessary step for me to move forward in my life. I finalized my enrollment in an accredited course this morning before clocking in at my day job. I feel excited.
It’s like going back to school, only this time I’m going as my full self. That’s important.
I’ve also started a travel agency. This is HUGE because my wife and I both love to travel and this will allow us to increase our bottom line. If I do this correctly, I’ll have the freedom to work from wherever I am. This will be hard work but it will also be work that I can be proud of.
It feels good to be on my way toward a career instead of just rotting away at a job. Thank you for letting me share my journey with you.
I love you.