Thoughts before bed…
I’ve been in a reflective headspace lately.
I’ve lost interest in social interactions.
I just want to create and have space to think.
Over the years, I’ve ignored this yearning. Not this time though…. This time I’m listening. This time I’m stepping away.
I have a dream that I’ve not truly committed to.
For a variety of reasons, I have held back.
Over the last few days, I’ve made more progress than I did in the past few years.
I don’t know what will come of it but I do know that I want to be a light. I want to share meaningful research with the world.
This research and creative process won’t just happen.
It’s going to take work.
I hope I can generate funding. I hope the process will be worth it.
I believe I can and I believe it will.
We shall see. 🤷🏾♂️
Confession: I’ve been working on a book for about 10 years. I’ve scrapped manuscript after manuscript because I wasn’t quite articulating things in a way that I felt good about.
Sure, the words were hitting the pages but something was missing.
Today, as I was getting ready for work it hit me.
I was writing from a place of raw pain. I had not taken the time to heal.
To be honest, I didn’t know how to heal. I mean. How does one heal?
I had no idea so I’ve sort of wandered around in the wilderness of life for the past decade or so, facing the ugly process of healing.
And, to be clear, healing is an ugly process. It’s not all light and love and butterflies and rainbows.
Healing is messy.
So…. Now that I’m more healed now that I ever have been (Healing is an ongoing process). I am taking the time to see if a book is really what I want to put out into the world or if I want to tell my story through a different vehicle.
Time will tell. For now, I’ll stick to blogging and resume my creative writing journey while reflecting on the many things I’ve written over the years.
I don’t know what’s next but whatever it is will be something that honors my past and the lessons that have come from those experiences.
Thank you for stopping by.
Sending love and light.
This journey we call life is interesting.
There are highs and lows. Ups and downs.
There’s no way to accurately predict where this journey will take us.
All we can control is how we flow with the process.
Sometimes we rise to the occasion…. sometimes we fall flat on our faces.
None of us have arrived at perfection. We all have flaws and probably some regrets to go along with them. That’s life.
If we’re lucky, we’ll be learning and growing until we pass on to the next phase of existence.
It is with this in mind that I encourage us all to be kind to others. Extend grace to others.
That doesn’t mean you should be a doormat or allow people to violate your boundaries. It just means that we should be careful not to judge others harshly. Keeping in mind that none of us are without flaws is a good place to start.
Have a great week.
Sending good vibes.
Day Job Selfie
Sometimes we are what’s holding us back.
Sometimes we are the problem.
I’m learning that it’s better to control what you can than it is to worry about what’s out of your control.
We cannot control what life throws at us. We can control how we respond to it.
This takes practice. A LOT of practice.
The next time your boss makes a last minute change or someone pushes a sense of urgency on you that would normally induce stress, take a few seconds to breathe and say to yourself, “I will not stress. I will not stress. I will not stress.”
It may seem like a small thing but this act will help you to be mindful of how your body and mind react to stressful situations.
I had a situation last week that prompted me to start doing this more frequently. My manager said, “This is going to be a stressful month.” That didn’t sit well with my spirit.
I am not okay with someone else deciding that I am going to be stressed. That’s a boundary that I don’t want anyone being able to cross. In that moment, my mind said, “No. This isn’t going to be a stressful month for me.”
To keep myself accountable to that decision, I remind myself each and every time I feel myself getting stressed out that “I will not stress.”
It’s working so far.
I hope it continues.
Thank you for reading.
Sending you good vibes.
Good morning Family!
I’ve been thinking about how to do this post. How to…. put words to what I am thinking and feeling. I want to be transparent while saving some things for myself. I want to keep it 💯 without crossing certain personal boundaries.
I will start by saying, “I have been intrigued by the idea of a minimalist lifestyle for quite some time.”
Removing clutter appeals to me because there are other ways that I want to use my time, mental space, and energy.
Over the years, I’ve gone through a cycle of being a extreme minimalist to having so much clutter I couldn’t function to getting fed up and trashing most of my belongings.
This cycle has repeated itself many times and I am exhausted. At this point, I just want to clear the clutter & use the remaining space (spiritual, mental, physical, etc.) for the things that matter.
I’ve already gotten started by beginning the de-cluttering process. The 3 day weekend afforded me sufficient time to begin purging my stuff.
During the first phase of my purging, I started to take breaks and deal with the intangible things that have been cluttering my life. I’m feeling so many things during this process. Joy, rage, goofiness, sadness, etc all have come up during this journey.
This morning as I was getting ready for work, I decided to get rid of some of my shoes. These shoes hold no true significance but I realized, to my surprise, that I had somehow put emotional stock into them. I don’t need them, they are well past their prime but something in the back of my mind kept urging me to keep them “just in case”.
A bunch of excuses for keeping these worn out items played through my mind. I almost gave in….. It was tough but I took a deep breath, reminded myself that I did not need them and I removed them from the shoe rack and prepared them for disposal.
Immediately after that, it’s like a switch turned in my brain. I collected a few more item that I badly needed to get rid of and tossed them into the bag as well.
When I return home this evening, I plan to continue the purge.
I do not expect that it will be easy.
I know I will not regret it.