I am. It’s a complete sentence and a complicated one.
I exist at many intersections of identity. Some of them clash at times.
These clashes make them no less valid.
I am complicated.
I am gentle and intense.
I am fire and water.
I am so many things.
I once hated this reality. I wanted to hide the parts of me I perceived to be undesirable.
With time and experience came a change.
I spend years wanting those around me to celebrate me.
I betrayed myself for the approval of others.
Now I love ME completely.
If someone asks me who my biggest fan is, I won’t look around for anyone else to point out because well….
As the year 2021 comes to a close, I am preparing for my annual start of the year season of fasting.
It started during my time in the C.O.G.I.C. denomination. We did a 21 day Daniel fast every year. It helped a lot of folks lose weight and get centered and/or closer to God.
Now that I’m more of a Christian universalist than anything else, I’ve decided to kick off 2022 with a season of fasting. I know that part of it will be a financial fast in which is engage in necessary spending only. I’m also considering a social media fast during which I abstain from posting on social media or from scrolling obsessively through social media. The jury is still out on that one but I do know that I need a time of fasting.
I used to think that fasting moved God but what it does, for me, is give me an opportunity to be more mindful about what I put into my body and what it is that I allow into my mind. This is something I find grounding because we live in a consumer culture where we are pressed on all sides to eat more, scroll more, & spend more. I wonder what this has done to our ability to produce meaningful things in our society. 🤔
I don’t have an answer in this moment but I’m searching. Hopefully the cutbacks I make this month and the fasting I do to start the new year will bring me closer to an answer.
Thanks for reading.