I’m not one for New Year’s Resolutions but I do try to commit to making at least one simple change at the start of each year. For 2022, I decided to get some space to grow vegetables and decide if farming was something I wanted to pursue. That turned out great and I now have a small agricultural business that I hope can be profitable in 2023.
This year, I decided to make some more aggressive changes. I’ve joined a gym, started using a planner more frequently (with the goal of using it daily) and have been working toward increasing my weekly income.
I would be a liar if I said this year’s changes have been easy so far. The truth is, I have been struggling with consistency BUT I will continue. I’m sure that the man I am a year from now will thank me.
This is a lesson I thought I mastered many years ago but, lately I’ve realized that this is a life long journey.
As we grow, things in our lives change. Some of these changes are for the better…. Some not so much.
The idea is to accept yourself as you are and love that version of yourself.
Once the love is there, you can begin making adjustments.
I think a lot of the time, we are so busy trying to become the “best version” of ourselves that we forget to be kind to ourselves.
If you’re always chasing some “other” version of yourself and you never take the time to accept and love who you are in this moment….. How will you know if the version of yourself you are pursuing is even compatible with who you came here to be?
The pictures at the top of this post show how this lesson is being lived out in my life.
For years, I was chasing the “serious professional” image. In pursuit of that, I was neglecting those parts of me that love being outdoors, working with my hands, & interacting with farm animals.
I shoved that part of me to the side for over a decade. Why? I was worried about how people would perceive me. I didn’t want people to think I was country or without ambition.
The reality is, I was robbing myself of something I love…… Something that, thanks to my parents, is something I am good at and have the instincts for.
The lesson: Farmer Bash, Bash the Intellectual, and Smooth/Laid Back Bash are all VALID manifestations of different aspects of ME.
In heavily focusing on what I thought was expected of me & worrying about the opinions of others. I spent many years living in misery and searching for what was in plain sight.
I invite you to learn from my mistakes.
Start spending some time with YOU. Even if there are things about yourself that you don’t like, make the effort to accept yourself and love yourself as you are.
From there, you can begin working toward a better version of yourself. Not from a place of wanting to please others or keep up appearances…. But from a place of love.
Confession: I’ve been working on a book for about 10 years. I’ve scrapped manuscript after manuscript because I wasn’t quite articulating things in a way that I felt good about.
Sure, the words were hitting the pages but something was missing.
Today, as I was getting ready for work it hit me.
I was writing from a place of raw pain. I had not taken the time to heal.
To be honest, I didn’t know how to heal. I mean. How does one heal?
I had no idea so I’ve sort of wandered around in the wilderness of life for the past decade or so, facing the ugly process of healing.
And, to be clear, healing is an ugly process. It’s not all light and love and butterflies and rainbows.
Healing is messy.
So…. Now that I’m more healed now that I ever have been (Healing is an ongoing process). I am taking the time to see if a book is really what I want to put out into the world or if I want to tell my story through a different vehicle.
Time will tell. For now, I’ll stick to blogging and resume my creative writing journey while reflecting on the many things I’ve written over the years.
I don’t know what’s next but whatever it is will be something that honors my past and the lessons that have come from those experiences.
I recently decided to pursue a journey with farming.
I’ve been fortunate to connect with some folks who are helping me to get started. It’s exciting.
Every second spent with the land leaves me yearning for more.
Food systems are important and I think food systems planning is how I’m going to end up putting my degree to work.
The land feels like home. It reminds me of the things I miss most about my childhood. It inspires me to honor my roots.
When I’m with the land, time flies by. In the stillness, I feel closer to my ancestors. I feel closer to the divine. I feel the liberty to just be me. All of me.
Silence is amazing. It gives me space to sift through my thoughts. It grounds me.
I find that by intentionally seeking out quiet moments, I am able to lead a more thoughtful life. I am able to not have knee-jerk reactions to life as it comes at me.
Take 5 minutes each day to sit in silence. Close your eyes. Breathe slowly and deeply. It may change your life.
For this coming week, I’m going to reassess my worth. Presently, even while working a job that’s paying me the most money I’ve made in my adult life I’m still making far less annually than I should for a person with my education and experience. This is something I’ve accepted for far too long.
I owe it to myself to not accept less than what I should be making. I owe it to myself to stop letting “bonus potential” convince me to take jobs making far less than I should be. I should be able to afford to live in a great neighborhood. I should be able to pay all of my household bills on my income alone. Moving forward, I’m holding myself to that standard. I’ll be dedicating the next 5 calendar days to solidifying what that should look like and my plan for getting there.
I’ve had enough. I deserve better from myself. My wife deserves better from me. I will realize my potential.
One of my challenges to myself has been to eat healthier. Working from home has made this a bit more challenging because of the temptation to snack while working. I’m a big guy and I love snacks….. Just being honest.
Yesterday I decided to make some tuna salad to have lunch for the next few days. The recipe was as follows:
3 4oz cans tuna in water (drained) , 6 hard boiled eggs chopped, 2 tsp. olive oil, 3 tablespoons mayo, 2 tablespoons pickled yellow peppers, dash of pink Himalayan salt, a dash of black pepper, 1 10.5 oz can of bamboo shoot strips.
I absolutely love how it turned out because the bamboo added a nice crunch while taking on the flavor of the rest of the dish. I’ll be able to eat off of this at least until lunch tomorrow which is exciting. There are not a lot of calories in this so I’m not worried about gaining weight and the bamboo made my food a lot more filling so I’m not hungry after a meal.
This new relationship with bamboo is off to a good start. I’ll let y’all know what’s next.
Today I quit my job to do something important. It was terrifying. It was exhilarating. It was necessary. I still have one shift to go but I did it. I seized an unexpected opportunity and decided to say yes to an adventure.
I’m happy to be leaving the world of B2B sales behind. I won’t miss this job. I have to be honest with myself about that one. I have given it a shot and am okay with admitting that it’s just not a good fit for me. There’s no shame in that.
As a recovering codependent, I’m happy that I chose to do this. It’s the first time since I started this journey of recovery that I’m making a major shift. I aim for it to not be my last.
I’m grateful to the source of all for this opportunity to grow. My faith increases with each passing day. I’m not a mistake. My trans experience is a gift from on high. I choose alignment with purpose. I choose to bet on the god in me.
Bash Shares 