I started this journey by asking questions. As a young member of the clergy, I wanted to be sure that what I taught was the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. In this spirit, I set out on a journey to discover what the absolute truth was….. This led me further away from Christianity, at least in the way it had been taught, and closer to an expanded view of the divine.
On this journey, I unlearned a great many things, not the least of which was self hate. I learned to love myself unconditionally, something that I’d never given myself permission to do before…. Something religion told me I should not do. I learned to embrace my queerness. I learned that falling in love with a woman was not a sin. I learned that my trans-ness does not separate me from the creator. I learned that being a logical person was not sinful. I learned that God is often made in the image of mankind and their prejudices.
I became free.
Free to explore the idea of God without worrying about going to Hell. Free to walk away from controlling and manipulative structures and focus on MY relationship with God minus theatrics and the expectations of people. I learned that there’s not a person on this planet that the creator requires me to allow to rule over the gifts that I have.
I escaped cycles of abuse and was able to being my healing process. I learned that difference between healthy relationships and toxic ones. I learned how to say, “No.”
I am a happier and healthier person for having asked those questions. I am better off after wrestling with my faith and those things I’ve come across while studying. It’s an ongoing process and I have battle scars but I’m eternally grateful for the day on which I started asking questions.