Change…

Over the last few years there has been a LOT of change in my life. I’ve moved across the country, married the love of my life, walked with my love through a cancer battle, changed jobs/ careers….. and much more.

Lately I’ve been feeling exhausted. Anxiety and depression have been trying to have their way with me. I’ve been fighting the urge to just settle into a dead end job and stop trying so hard. I was having a really low moment today and so I took a cleansing salt bath and reflected on why I chose this path in the 1st place. It took a few minutes but I found my why again and took the time to look at how far I’ve come on this journey. I looked at the lesson in every experience and concluded that the journey so far has been worth it.

I am the man that I am today because I decided a long time ago not to live a scared lie anymore. Sure, I lost people and community that I’d spent years building. I’ve had a good bit of money and I’ve been broke to the point of homelessness and hunger. I’ve cried myself to sleep many nights and there was a time when the only comfort I could find was in a bottle because I had bought into a theology which said that God rejected me for living honestly. This pain is not pain that I would wish on anyone. I cannot pretend that it has not hurt because it has BUT I get to choose what I do with the pain. I get to choose to push past the pain so that others won’t have to endure what I have. I choose to use the pain as fuel for my purpose.

I choose life.

I choose love.

I choose me.