An All-Nighter

Last night, I pulled an all-nighter for the first time since grad school and…. it was challenging to say the very least.

Before I proceed, this is not a post encouraging sleep deprivation. Okay?

Cool.

I pulled an all-nighter to work on something that will help me break free from the 9-5 grind. Notice I didn’t say it would free me from work. I believe that part of being a human being is to contribute, in some small way, to society if we are able.

See…. Having a job is not something I enjoy. I don’t mind working. I don’t mind taking on tasks and projects.

What I do mind is having another human being control my time. To me, there’s something disgusting about someone else being able to dictate when I can take some time to vacation with my spouse or travel to visit my friends and family.

I crave freedom. In the past, I’ve experienced the freedom of working on my own terms. It has taken me a while but I am on my way back to that place.

What’s the point?

The point of this post is simple. Sometimes you have to sacrifice a little on the front end to get what you desire. You may lose a little sleep from time to time or miss out on fun activities that don’t align with your goals. It sucks, but it’s a part of the path.

I encourage you all to choose where you want your life to go and then decide what price you’re willing to pay to get there.

Only you can decide what’s worth it.

Self Love

Different vibes…. Still me

To love yourself…. you have to accept yourself.

This is a lesson I thought I mastered many years ago but, lately I’ve realized that this is a life long journey.

As we grow, things in our lives change. Some of these changes are for the better…. Some not so much.

The idea is to accept yourself as you are and love that version of yourself.

Once the love is there, you can begin making adjustments.

I think a lot of the time, we are so busy trying to become the “best version” of ourselves that we forget to be kind to ourselves.

If you’re always chasing some “other” version of yourself and you never take the time to accept and love who you are in this moment….. How will you know if the version of yourself you are pursuing is even compatible with who you came here to be?

The pictures at the top of this post show how this lesson is being lived out in my life.

For years, I was chasing the “serious professional” image. In pursuit of that, I was neglecting those parts of me that love being outdoors, working with my hands, & interacting with farm animals.

I shoved that part of me to the side for over a decade. Why? I was worried about how people would perceive me. I didn’t want people to think I was country or without ambition.

The reality is, I was robbing myself of something I love…… Something that, thanks to my parents, is something I am good at and have the instincts for.

The lesson: Farmer Bash, Bash the Intellectual, and Smooth/Laid Back Bash are all VALID manifestations of different aspects of ME.

In heavily focusing on what I thought was expected of me & worrying about the opinions of others. I spent many years living in misery and searching for what was in plain sight.

I invite you to learn from my mistakes.

Start spending some time with YOU. Even if there are things about yourself that you don’t like, make the effort to accept yourself and love yourself as you are.

From there, you can begin working toward a better version of yourself. Not from a place of wanting to please others or keep up appearances…. But from a place of love.

You deserve it. 😎

Writing

Confession: I’ve been working on a book for about 10 years. I’ve scrapped manuscript after manuscript because I wasn’t quite articulating things in a way that I felt good about.

Sure, the words were hitting the pages but something was missing.

Today, as I was getting ready for work it hit me.

I was writing from a place of raw pain. I had not taken the time to heal.

To be honest, I didn’t know how to heal. I mean. How does one heal?

I had no idea so I’ve sort of wandered around in the wilderness of life for the past decade or so, facing the ugly process of healing.

And, to be clear, healing is an ugly process. It’s not all light and love and butterflies and rainbows.

Healing is messy.

So…. Now that I’m more healed now that I ever have been (Healing is an ongoing process). I am taking the time to see if a book is really what I want to put out into the world or if I want to tell my story through a different vehicle.

Time will tell. For now, I’ll stick to blogging and resume my creative writing journey while reflecting on the many things I’ve written over the years.

I don’t know what’s next but whatever it is will be something that honors my past and the lessons that have come from those experiences.

Thank you for stopping by.

Sending love and light.

-Bash

Life

This journey we call life is interesting.

There are highs and lows. Ups and downs.

There’s no way to accurately predict where this journey will take us.

All we can control is how we flow with the process.

Sometimes we rise to the occasion…. sometimes we fall flat on our faces.

None of us have arrived at perfection. We all have flaws and probably some regrets to go along with them. That’s life.

If we’re lucky, we’ll be learning and growing until we pass on to the next phase of existence.

It is with this in mind that I encourage us all to be kind to others. Extend grace to others.

That doesn’t mean you should be a doormat or allow people to violate your boundaries. It just means that we should be careful not to judge others harshly. Keeping in mind that none of us are without flaws is a good place to start.

Have a great week.

Sending good vibes.

Bash

Minimalism

Good morning Family!

I’ve been thinking about how to do this post. How to…. put words to what I am thinking and feeling. I want to be transparent while saving some things for myself. I want to keep it 💯 without crossing certain personal boundaries.

I will start by saying, “I have been intrigued by the idea of a minimalist lifestyle for quite some time.”

Removing clutter appeals to me because there are other ways that I want to use my time, mental space, and energy.

Over the years, I’ve gone through a cycle of being a extreme minimalist to having so much clutter I couldn’t function to getting fed up and trashing most of my belongings.

This cycle has repeated itself many times and I am exhausted. At this point, I just want to clear the clutter & use the remaining space (spiritual, mental, physical, etc.) for the things that matter.

I’ve already gotten started by beginning the de-cluttering process. The 3 day weekend afforded me sufficient time to begin purging my stuff.

During the first phase of my purging, I started to take breaks and deal with the intangible things that have been cluttering my life. I’m feeling so many things during this process. Joy, rage, goofiness, sadness, etc all have come up during this journey.

This morning as I was getting ready for work, I decided to get rid of some of my shoes. These shoes hold no true significance but I realized, to my surprise, that I had somehow put emotional stock into them. I don’t need them, they are well past their prime but something in the back of my mind kept urging me to keep them “just in case”.

A bunch of excuses for keeping these worn out items played through my mind. I almost gave in….. It was tough but I took a deep breath, reminded myself that I did not need them and I removed them from the shoe rack and prepared them for disposal.

Immediately after that, it’s like a switch turned in my brain. I collected a few more item that I badly needed to get rid of and tossed them into the bag as well.

When I return home this evening, I plan to continue the purge.

I do not expect that it will be easy.

I know I will not regret it.

-Bash

I Am

I am. It’s a complete sentence and a complicated one.

I exist at many intersections of identity. Some of them clash at times.

These clashes make them no less valid.

I am complicated.

I am gentle and intense.

I am fire and water.

I am so many things.

I once hated this reality. I wanted to hide the parts of me I perceived to be undesirable.

With time and experience came a change.

I spend years wanting those around me to celebrate me.

I betrayed myself for the approval of others.

Now I love ME completely.

If someone asks me who my biggest fan is, I won’t look around for anyone else to point out because well….

I am.

Can’t sleep

Sometimes I hate when God uses late night hours to speak to me.

I haven’t had a good night of sleep in a couple months. I hear the call. I feel the push.

I gotta do it.

Maybe then God and my ancestors will let me sleep.

Ministry

As a trans man who is called to ministry, I’ve been slacking.

I’ve been afraid.

I’m not afraid anymore.

Now I’m hustling and building. Challenging systems and cistems. I’m grinding.

It’s not about me.

It’s not about the money.

It’s all about the message.

God is love.

God is in all of us.

We should be love.